Marco's Diary
by random-riter
Summary: AU where Toffee never attacked and the chain of events that followed never occurred. A diary entry Marco writes when dealing with the fact that Star needed to return home and their lives begin to diverge.


So, uh, I guess I'm doing this. They said if I write this down, it'll help. Knowing me, it'll make things worse. But I guess I should try. Anything's worth a shot. They said to write what I was feeling. Don't think, just feel. Stream of consciousness. So here I go.

I'll start from the beginning.

My name's Marco. Marco Diaz. 20 years old. College student. Studying psychology. Planning on going to graduate school, getting a PhD, yada yada yada. None of that really matters right now. I'm going to talk about…someone else.

We met 6 years ago. Wow, only 6 years? Man, it feels like I've known her forever. But I guess it's true. Just 6 years ago. The first time I met Star Butterfly.

She's…not your typical girl. She's a princess, for starters. From another dimension. Mewni. And she can use magic. Like, she's not a magician. She can _really_ use magic. Beats up monsters. Saves her kingdom single-handedly. So yeah, not exactly a normal girl.

But even more than that, she's special. She's always happy, always looking on the bright side, always believes in herself and her friends, sometimes to a fault. But that's just how she is. She trusts in the innate good in people. It's inspiring, really. She'll be a great queen one day, I just know it.

I'm getting off topic.

So what I wanted to talk about…well, I guess we're not quite there yet. I should probably mention how we met.

So Star's parents wanted her to practice magic in a safe place. She ended up on Earth, right in my high school. My family took her in. We always take in exchange students. But she was a bit much for me. Too high energy. Too hyperactive. Too reckless.

But it grew on me.

I got used to it. The recklessness. The danger. The energy.

I liked it. It was fun.

We became best friends. We were always together. Went on all sorts of adventures in countless different dimensions. Saw all kinds of weird and wonderful beings. It was great.

Sure, we almost died a few times. And I've had to face more monsters and demons that any person should ever have to face in a lifetime. But it was fun.

Was

Sorry

Ok,

Ok

I'm fine

That probably sounds dark. Star's not dead. She's still alive and well. She's just…not here. And that's why I'm writing this.

We stuck together all throughout high school. But, once we graduated, Star had to go home. She had learned magic, so it was time for her to learn how to be a princess, and eventually the ruler of Mewni. Etiquette and the like. She couldn't stay here anymore. She couldn't be with me anymore.

That didn't sound right. "Be with me". We were never together. Like, dating. Just friends. Some people thought we were. Sometimes, people would comment on "how cute you look together" or one of my relatives would ask about "how your girlfriend is doing", but it wasn't like that. We're just friends.

That's all we'll ever be.

And it hurts to know that.

I'm in love with Star.

There. I said it. I finally admitted it.

And I don't feel any better.

It took me a few years to sort out my feelings for Star. Around the time she left is when I first realized it. It's true, I guess. That you never know how much something means to you until it's gone. But maybe I'm being a bit overdramatic. I still see Star. On occasion. Only 3, maybe 4, times a year. When she has a little free time, she comes back to Earth. Or I go to Mewni. We both have Dimensional Scissors. Hop dimensions whenever we want with them. But back to the point.

We see each other, but we don't go on any adventures. We usually just sit and catch up. How've you been, what's new, those kinds of questions. Normally, she talks, I listen. After all, she's usually got the best stories. Without her, I'm boring. I don't really do much of anything. At least, nothing much worth telling about.

So she talks. How tough etiquette classes are, how annoying her parents can be, how none of the princes in the area are dating material.

Ha.

Kinda funny.

How I know exactly what kind of guy Star likes. And how I know I'll never be able to be that.

It's brutal.

Do you know how it feels to be in love with someone who you know will never feel that same way about you? How painful it is? To know that you'll one day see them happily marry someone else while you can only sit there, wearing a happy face, feeling your heart break into pieces?

God, it hurts.

"Why don't you just tell her how you feel? What's the worst that can happen?"

The worst that can happen is that she never talks to me again.

I can't tell her. I'm too scared. I don't want to ruin what we have now. I want to stay close to her, even if it means I have to suffer. And telling her could make things too awkward between us for us to stay friends.

"You'll never move on unless you tell her. You'll regret holding back."

I know that.

"If you really are best friends, you should be able to get over the awkwardness and stay friends."

I know that.

"You need to do this. For closure. To know for certain, she doesn't feel the same."

I know that.

I know all of that.

But I can't.

I can't risk losing my best friend. Not for anything. I don't want to.

Besides, she's too good for me. Not because she's a princess. I mean, as a person, she deserves better than me.

She's one of the best people I know. Next to her, I'm basically garbage. I'm not the one who will make her happy. Even if I confess, even if she loves me back, we'll both know she could have done better. And I'll regret keeping her from that.

This is all I can do. Be the greatest best friend possible. Support her as best I can. Smile through tears.

"If you love something, let it go." So I'll let her go.

I want to be with her. So I'll let her go.

I want her to be happy. So I'll let her go.

I love her. So I'll let her go.

And, to my best friend:

Never stop being the girl I fell in love with. I hope you find happiness.

Marco


End file.
